Ya'll Bettah Recognize!

So last night I was recognized in Drug Court for 7 clean months in the program. 8 more to go! The Judge (who has been lovingly nicknamed, Judge Hug-A-Thug) has some great words to say and was not shy about verbally patting me on the back for staying clean this whole time, even when life was less then fair. He mentioned "hardships" I have been dealing with in my recovery, the things that I used to escape from and how I am going full force into them, with a clear head and no life vest.
He had asked me what I thought of "being clean" after almost a decade of using. I almost cried, but looked him straight in the eye when I said that I was given a second chance at my life, a second chance to be the mother that I robbed Taylor of for so many years and even though things aren't "perfect" and never will be, I'm fulfilled.
It's kind of cool to sit in court and hear my name called almost first. People are called in order of the time they are in the program. From oldest, to newest. So many people who were there WELL before I started, are now set back in time and I've officially moved ahead. I have a hard time patting myself on the back about anything, those who know me KNOW I am not exaggerating. But for this one instance, I can proudly say *PAT PAT PAT*
This shit is a daily struggle, don't get it twisted. 9 months actually clean and sober and I STILL think about drugs before I close my eyes and night, and as soon as I open them in the morning. It's never far from my mind, but the choice is mine to make now. I choose to live the life I have now. Relapse is not an option for me. I'm a stubborn Pollack and for once, that will work for my benefit. :)

xoxo