~Innocence will never kiss me again~

I wasn't going to ever write about this, but after an amazing conversation with an amazing person, I have changed my mind and I'm taking the plunge. Bare with me if things are confusing, or if I stop abruptly. This is by far, the hardest thing I've ever written.
1978...I was 6 years old. At the time my family lived in Olney..a fairly rough section of Philadelphia. I was daddy's little girl, mommy's little angel. But it was about to change, and my parents wouldn't even learn of it until many many years later.
My mother taught arts and crafts at a church on weekends. She had a classroom of kids just a tad bit older then me that came every week to learn whatever craft was hot in the 70's. Probably macrame or some icky crap like that. This particular time, I hopped on the J bus with my mom to the church because my dad had to work and I couldn't stay home alone. So class started, I was allowed to participate and made some badass macaroni art. It was even spray painted gold. And then the class was over. All the other children left and my mother had to stay behind to clean everything up. I was helping her gather glue, scissors, glitter, etc when the janitor came to the doorway. We'll call him, Roy...because even to this day, I can't say his name. Anyway, Roy asked my mother if he could borrow me for a little bit to help him with something in the auditorium. I was excited to help. You see, the auditorium had a huge stage with billowing dark red velvet curtains and the front was made to look like Noah's Arc. I loved it, looking back I have no idea..beyond the curtains..why.
My mom granted permission and I happily skipped with him down to the stage. I asked him what he needed help with and he just motioned with his finger to follow him. So I did. He looked over his shoulder at me and told me that he needed help putting away the chairs in the pit under the stage from a show that was held the previous night. We got to work folding up the metal chairs and stacking them against the wall. After about a 1/2hr I sat on one of the remaining chairs to take a break. Roy had a mop in his hands, and laid it down on the floor and stood in front of me. He asked me if I liked secrets and how well could I keep them. Being a little girl, I LOVED secrets and was pretty proud of my abilities to not tell Mikey down the street that Katie thought he had cooties. He then asked me if I like candy, of COURSE I said yes. He told me to close my eyes because he had candy for me, but it was a suprise. I closed my eyes tightly, he leaned down to my ear and I could smell his sweat and his breath and I felt his rough skin on my cheek. He made me promise to keep my eyes closed and to open my mouth so he could give me a lollipop. His smell was making me uncomfortable and I was getting scared. I think he sensed it because he hand tightened on my shoulder, painfully. I heard his zipper being undone but was too afraid to open my eyes and look. He grabbed the hair on the back of my head and pulled it back, forcing himself into my mouth. I remember crying and gagging and KNOWING what was happening wasn't right, but not fully understand what was really taking place. He held me there, until he finished. Never once letting go of my hair. He had moved his other hand from my shoulder to my throat and held a grip there as well. As he tucked himself back into his work pants, he whispered in my ear that if I ever told anyone he would make sure I was sorry for it. And then he smacked my butt and told me to get lost. I ran, as fast as I could to the bathroom. I still had no concept of what really happened, but I knew I wanted water and I wanted to wash my face. I tried to wash his smell of off me but nothing was working. I couldn't get the taste of him out of my mouth and it was making me gag. I felt dirty and disgusting and scared. But I couldn't tell my mom, so now the actress had to come out. I walked back to the classroom my mother was in and I will NEVER forget her words to me when I came through the door. She smiled and said, "Hey stinker..ready to go home?" If she only knew......

13 years later...she did.